Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatoulahi wa Barakatuhu.
This subject is one of the most common reasons for marriage breakdown in our community. Unfortunately BOTH men and women in our communities suffer from domestic violence. Really, It’s true. Due to the ignorance and Taboo, I intend to shed some light on this issue and Insha’Allah give an Islamic perspective and some education on Domestic Violence.
Below you will find a brief definition of Physical abuse and typical behaviours.
Any forceful physical behaviour that intentionally or accidentally causes bodily harm or property destruction. It includes the following:
- Hitter, beating, choking, pushing, slapping, kicking, pulling hair, biting & burning.
- Denying / interfering with partners basic physical needs (eating sleeping)
- abusing or threatening abuse of children.
- Use of a weapon against partner.
Domestic violence has NO gender
In our communities theres belief that there’s no such thing as a man being abused physically by his wife / girlfriend. Unfortunately, that’s not true. According to graph 1.3 on Statistics Canada Men are also the victims of Domestic Violence. http://bit.ly/1ATP1Kk
The cycle of violence
When it comes to violence psychology tells us that it’s a reoccurring cycle.
It starts off with Normalcy. Normalcy is when everything is perfectly fine in the relationship.
Next comes Fantasy setup. This is what happens when the perpetrator is everything they weren’t. Everything is perfect, you couldn’t ask for more. This leads to the next step in the cycle called Tension building.
Tension building is when the perpetrator can’t fake the fantasy anymore. They start to slowly go back to who they were when the Normalcy step took place. They get more frustrated. The arguments, the comments, the controlling. etc. They get frustrated easily and start to take it out on you. They get angry more often and you’re the subject of their anger, no matter what you do. That leads us to the next step of Abuse.
Abuse. The abuse starts. The hitting, chocking, kicking, cussing.
The cycle of violence is a continuous cycle that doesn’t stop until you make it stop. You’re the only one who can control the situation, and by control I mean leave the situation.
Under no circumstances is such abuse against women or men, in its various manifestations, encouraged or allowed in Islam.
A lot of the times spouses use religion to justify the abuse. Here is a photo of the Muslim wheel of Domestic Violence created by Sharifa Al Khateeb. It is Similar to the Cycle of Violence as seen above.
For more information on this wheel please visit: http://bit.ly/1TYTOFH
You may be thinking ‘but what about the kids, they need their dad in their life’
Yes, we understand that you don’t want your children fatherless however, It’s better to be from a broken home than to be in a broken home. Staying with your abusive partner is only going to hurt the children. You are teaching your daughter that this is the standard for a relationship. You’re teaching your son that it is okay to in fact hit a woman.
IIT’S TIME TO BREAK THE CYCLE!!!
I know it is the hardest thing to get out of and you’d rather stay because you’re terrified of change, but sometimes, change is absolutely necessary and you will grow from this and you will become a stronger woman because of this. We are here for you!
If you know someone who is being abused or if you are being abused please seek immediate help. Tell someone you trust.
“If one of you sees something wrong, let him change it with his hand; if he cannot, then with his tongue; if he cannot, then with his heart and this is the weakest faith.” Prophet Mohammad SAW
There are a number of trusted agencies who will help. Here is one agency for the city that I live in:
Muslim Welfare Centre – Toronto and GTA http://bit.ly/1r4vAyR
For help in your City please Google ‘Women’s violence help’ and the town or city that you reside in.
I pray that Allah protects the whole Ummah from oppression and keeps everyone safe. Ameen Thuma Ameen.
Until my next post